I was wrong to a certain extent... I recently reconnected with my Daughter, Meghan. On November 16th 2017 I reached out to her in hopes that she would talk to me. That was the day of her 18th Birthday. Long story short, her Mother and I dated from 1997 to 2002. After fighting for years... her and I decided to go our separate ways. I was promised that I would be able to see my Daughter... but that would never come to pass. She lied to be about being able to see her just as she did everything else... and that resulted in me never seeing or talking to my Daughter over all these many years.
For the first few years I tried to reach out but my ex cut me off at every turn. She refused to send me pictures or tell me anything about how my Daughter was doing... Which was a painful situation to not just me, but also for the rest of my family. As it turns out, Florida law is bullshit... because my ex and I never got married, I had no rights... but I sure as hell was ordered to pay child support. Funny how that works out. Can't see my kid, but I had to pay anyway. That went on for quite some time until the day came that my ex contacted me and told me that the guy she was with wanted to adopt my Daughter and give her a good life. She told me that he could provide for her and give her better health care (because the health care that was provided with child support was crap). I honestly wanted her to have a good life. I thought by signing my rights over to this guy would be a good thing for her, and I didn't have any rights to see my kid anyway so I did what I thought was best for her.
I assumed I would never get to see her anyway... I thought that either my ex would tell her a bunch of lies about me or that she wouldn't say anything at all... either way? I figured she would think her adopted Father was her "real" Dad. Which putting my own feelings aside, was better for her in the long run. I battled with not knowing my child for years... My Mom always told me that on her 18th Birthday that I needed to reach out to her and tell her about me and her family on MY side... so she could know she had another family that loved her... well.. as the years passed I always figured she'd be better off not knowing me and I had pretty much decided not to reach out to her when she turned 18... well.. my Mom always said she was going to reach out to her whether I did or not... sadly, as fate would have it.. she died a year and a half before Meghan turned 18 so she missed out on being able to do that... so in her memory I did it for her... I reached out to my Daughter.
As I mentioned earlier in this post, I contacted her on her 18th Birthday... I was so nervous... I didn't know what to expect... I wasn't sure if she would even respond... and at first? She didn't. More than a month went by before I heard anything from her... but she finally wrote me... she wanted to see pictures from back in those days.. pics of me and my family with her as a baby... so I showed her and for awhile nothing more was said.. but then we started talking and at first it was pretty emotional.. I still don't have words to describe it... but I felt joy for the first time since my Mom passed... and I thanked her for that... we've sense spoke back and forth online and on the phone a few times.. but it's slacked off a bit... I don't know what to think most of the time... sometimes I think she wants nothing to do with me and other times I feel like she needs me. All I know is that I told her I am here for her always and as long as I am still alive, she will always have me to turn to!
I'm not really sure where it's going to go from here.. but for now? At least I can say she knows who I am. I really hope we develop a strong relationship with one another, but that's yet to be seen... For now? It is what it is. I'm just glad I have had the chance to talk to her.
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