Today marks the 9th Mother's Day I've had to celebrate without you and it never gets any easier... It still hurts just as much as the 1st Mother's day I had to go through without you. This was always a day I looked forward to because it was special to me just as much as it was to you. First and foremost, you chose me and gave me life... You were the first love I ever knew in this world. You were always there for me through the good and the bad times... You were my voice of reason, my comfort, my safe place, my rock, and the person that kept me going in this screwed up world... We formed a special bond from day one and we had that bond up until your dying day... That was the worst day of my life and a huge part of me died right along with you... You were always my other half, Momma... it was ALWAYS you. I've cried an ocean of tears from the pain of you being gone... I know I'll never get over you being gone. I can't. It's just something I'm not capable of doing. I miss you more than you will ever know... I miss my best friend... I miss our talks and the time we got to spend together. I only got 38 years with you and it just wasn't enough. I know even if we had been lucky enough to get more time together, I still never would have been ready to lose you. I hate death... I always have. It breaks my heart that everything good in this life eventually goes away one way or another. I wish there was a way I could hug you one more time... that would do me a WORLD of good just to feel your love one more time because I'm lost without you, Momma... I just am. I pretend that I'm ok but I never really am. I've never been the same since you died... Billy Bob Thornton said this about losing a loved one: "There is a melancholy inside me that never goes away. I'm 50% happy and 50% sad at any given moment." and that is exactly how it is... that's grief. It comes in waves... Some days I manage to be alright, other days I'm drowning... much like today. I just want to say thank you for everything you ever did for me... I will never be able to thank you enough and even though today is no longer a happy day for me... It still means the world to me. I will continue to honor you and celebrate every year that I have left on this earth... Happy Mother's Day, Momma... I love you. ❤️
